Intrussiveness

We all have things that pluck our nerves!  Culturally as an English person keeping my voice tone low enough to keep my conversations private is something that comes naturally.  It disturbs me when I am in public and hear conversations that I would rather not.  Being made into an unwilling participant by others behaviors that I object to the most.  When challenged with intrusiveness I have to gauge my emotional reaction and try to refocus my thoughts onto something more constructive and positive.  For instance I will read on listen to a tape so that my focus in on what interests me and then the loud voice tones of people who don't seem to mind pouring all of their personal experiences out in a public forum seem to fade into the distance.

Keeping strong boundaries is important for your own good and for the good of those around you.  Etiquette is something that people seem to know less about these days now that cell phones for instance have become a normal way of communicating no matter where the person is when he/she answers.  In fact I have found myself in the rest room and being a reluctant participant in a loud conversation about everything that is important to the person on the phone. 

One of the things that you can do when calling someone is ask if it's a convenient time to call.  They don't have to necessarily tell you "no" because they are on the john, but at least you can know before laying out your agenda that the person would prefer you to call back in 5 minutes.  Keeping your conversations when meeting with someone as brief as possible is always a mark of common courtesy.  Recently I attended a meeting where I was a reluctant participant to a long and exhaustive demonstration  of how to make garbanzo beans into a puree.  The man obviously liked to be the center of attention and put great emphasis on points so small that I almost went to sleep standing up.  Where do people get their idea that they can have all your attention from?  Again I found that the level of voice tone was high and it emphasized his need to lecture everyone about how easy it was for him to show us how to be cool!

I remind myself that I haven't done the spiritual work so far to waste it by slipping on a banana skin so to speak.  What I do in these situations is realize that it's a test for me and I then repeat the mantra's that my Teacher has given.  So in these moments of frustration can be turned in to spiritual tuning and focusing on God's name.  Someone once told me that when people are problematic they are like angles that help us go deeper into our practices. 

There are several things that can be intrusive in life and perhaps the thing I don't like is loud voice tones and bad manners generally.  When people have difficulty expressing their emotions they can turn it into anger and when they are unable to deal with the anger it turn inward as depression.  Anyone who has been around a person who is depressed will note that their mood can be said to be at least cranky.  Recently a friend of mine who is depressed picked me up from the library and when I said that I had emailed a person she dramatically positioned her arm in an outstretched motion to introduce what I had done followed by an emphasis on AAANNNNDDDD!  I was aghast with shock!  Who did she think she was talking to and did she really know me?  I have not allowed people to abuse me and refuse to at this stage in my life.  When I responded by asking why she was angry she got even angrier and has since accused me of confronting her.  I believe the two examples I have used are actually narcissistic people who are so wrapped up in themselves they don't care about how troubling their outrageous intrusion is.

Distancing is a natural response for me when I need to get some space and that is what I have done with my friend whom I am staying with unfortunately.  I spend the day at the library where I can use wifi and then go back to her home after 6 pm.  There is very little time to spend with her before I shower at 8pm and go to bed at 9pm.  I recently responded to a t.v. program she was watching about Obama and his father by telling her that Ganish De Silva had written a book about his father when she said that Obama had seen his father only once in a very defensive manner.  I said that he might have only seen him once but had written a book about him.  With that she shouted about that wasn't all that I have said and that has meant that my conversations have been limited.  Who wants to talk with someone who is a loose cannon?

In all we all have to deal with people in our personal or work lives who intrude and lack manners.  In the work arena it is better to try to find ways of getting along with colleagues and if that doesn't work then you will have to face the problem through a superior.  These are growing experiences for all of us who would naturally rather avoid confrontation.  My first real experience with learning how to confront was when I worked with a nurse named Juanita who was very butch and had a moustache.  She was abrupt and bullying because she thought that way she could be boss.  My supervisor said that I would have to approach her at the beginning of the shift to check in with how she was feeling.  It wasn't long before Juanita slammed the door in my face.  I got through that and have been able to meet other challenges that haven't been quite that bad since.

Meditation is the one spiritual tool that helps me to unload all the negative feelings that can build up because of relationship issues.  By sitting in meditation everyday you allow yourself the natural healing power to dissolve emotions that tie up your own energy or power.  It is uplifting, doesn't cost a penny and will improve your emotional, mental and physical health.

My work is as a Life Coach and I will work with you on areas in your life that you want to manage and improve.  You can achieve your goals no matter how far they seem from reality for you.  You can do it!
Contact me at lawrencerita511@gmail.com